you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
