20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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