You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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