i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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