Porn is love you can see.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
