but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
