The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
