Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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