You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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