The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
