my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
