I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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