i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
