I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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