You're my little dorito
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
