That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
