Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
