im having a threesome with these popsicles
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
