OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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