final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
