im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
