So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
