Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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