if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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