Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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