i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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