eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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