Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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