can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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