I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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