i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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