dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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