I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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