Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
