I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
