so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
