I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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