she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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