They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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