I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
