Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's blow job season.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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