just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
