don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
