I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
