I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
