It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
