I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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