Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
