once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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