I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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