That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
