She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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