i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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