i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
