If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
