textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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