I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
