Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
