found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
