margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
