She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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