in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
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I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
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Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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