I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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