you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
