you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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