I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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