I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
