please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
