Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
