I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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