can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
