im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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