he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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