Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
