smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Life is so much better after having sex.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
