Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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