you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
