If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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