I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
