she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
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