Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
