I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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