are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
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