so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
